i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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