Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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