he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
