Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
