Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
