dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
farters have to be the big spoon...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
