I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is Oprah even human
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize