you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
