well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
