we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
