Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize