i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
