i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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