walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
