You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
