All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize