Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
