I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
