I think I just saw someone hide a body.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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