He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize
