I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize