I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
