Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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