My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize