May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
