I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
