I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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