I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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