what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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