i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
God I need to hump something, right now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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