Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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