There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
