thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
