Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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