i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
