Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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