Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
