i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
