tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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