I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
