Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
