If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
