im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
