I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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