I need help removing her.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
