He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
my liver is dry heaving
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
