google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
