Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
