I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
