He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
