my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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