So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
