OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
