There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
