Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
