Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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