just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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