Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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