He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You can't just leave with hair like that
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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