bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
