Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
do nipples grow back?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
True college students do jello shots in the library
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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