is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
