I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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