ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
