I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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