3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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