i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize