hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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