he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
