Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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