she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My underwear smells like fireworks.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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