Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
