Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
