I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
