i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
