So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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