anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
