I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Green mimosas i think yes
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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