Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize