i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
