i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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