How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
