i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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