I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
