The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
