the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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