I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
