Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
