You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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