dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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