My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
