ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
