went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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