Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
