Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
