It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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