how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
