I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
