i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
