He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
